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An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
blistery day .

The daughter said to her mother,

'My hands are freezing cold.'

The mother replied,

'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

The daughter did, and her hands warmed up .

The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,

'My hands are freezing cold. '

The girl replied,

'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up. '

He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter .

He said,

'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied

'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up .'

He did and warmed his nose .

The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,

'My penis is frozen solid.'

The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again ,
and she asks,

'Have you ever heard of a penis? '

Concerned the mother said,

' yes..... why do you ask? '

The daughter replies,

'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!'

Sensitivity Training


The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.
The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy. She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier."
Just take several stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes, answered the Instructor."
I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

I was minding my own business on the bus yesterday when
A stunning young Thai lady boarded and sat right next to me
I thought to myself:
"Please don't get an erection"
"Please don't get an erection"

But she did!

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.

I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

She said, "You watch porn."

The Cairns sense of humour....

It looks like the religious conservatives were right. First the gays, now people are marrying droids. I guess it was a slippery slope. :p

Read the whole sordid story here.

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds')............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist upon?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope.)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. (At least they get to travel!)

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true!)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour?
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant.)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen.)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..(WTF!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie. (This person has a career in politics awaiting!)

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work.)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Cesarean section'.
A. The Cesarean section is a district in Rome .

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit!)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.(Irrefutable!)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like tiny umbrellas.

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Be nign is what you will be after you be eight. (Brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

Latest News from Libya.

نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش سایه دگر نمی
دان نور اگر رفت سایه. ر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما نقش
سایه دگر نمی دان نور اگر رفت سایه پیدا نیست نقش دیوار و چشم خیره ما

If I hear anything else, I'll let you know.

Champion! I reckon Casey is Brock Lesnar's son with that text book power slam. Mind you, they were obviously in different weight classes.