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WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET BLONDE GENIES !!!


A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand.

He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a golf-course mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

After he makes love to all of them, he begins to explore this fabulous house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Then, there's a knock at the door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits..

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead..

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It's the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one, 'I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me.'

On The Run...


A lunatic escapes from the asylum and after several hours of avoiding those searching for him,
ends up hiding in some bushes behind a 24 hr laundrymat...

Around 11pm,a hot looking brunette wanders in to the deserted laundry
and starts loadng her clothes into one of the washing machines...

Having been locked away for many months,
the lunatic is unable to control his desires
and leaps from the bushes,
rushes in and hikes up the blondes skirt,
bends her over one of the sorting tables
and proceeds to have his way with her...

The sound of sirens in the distance,but getting closer,
forces the man to pull up his pants and make a dash out into the darkness
in an effort to avoid capture...

After the woman contacted police and made a statement
an immediate alert was put out warning other residents in the area...

The headline in the paper the next day read-


'Nut Screws Washer and Bolts'...

...

The Wash Cloth


"Jane was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, she received a call from the doctor's office to tell her that she had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. Jane had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so she didn't have any time to spare.


As most women do, she likes to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, she rushed upstairs, threw off her pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave herself a quick wash in that area to make sure she was at least presentable.

She threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to her appointment. She was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when she was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, she hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that she was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

She was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' She didn't respond. After the appointment, she heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when her 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom,'Mommy, where's my washcloth?' Jane told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'"


Never going back to that doctor. Ever!

A travelling salesman visits a small town in the north and sees a circus banner reading "Don't miss the amazing Scotsman."

Curious, he buys a ticket. The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the centre ring.
There, spot lit in the centre ring is a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to the table is an old Scotsman.
Suddenly the old man lifts his kilt, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings.
The crowd erupts in rapturous applause as the elderly Scot is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.


Twenty years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same "Don't miss the amazing Scotsman."

He can't believe the old guy is still alive, never mind still doing his act.
So, he buys a ticket. Again the centre ring is illuminated.
This time instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table.
The Scotsman stands before them, suddenly, he lifts his kilt and smashes the coconuts with three swings of his magnificent member.
The crowd goes wild!


Flabbergasted the salesman requests a meeting with him after the show. "You are incredible," he tells the Scotsman.
"But I have to know something; you are older now, so why switch from walnuts to coconuts?


"Well," says the Scot, "My eyesight's not what it used to be."

Lately i've had an endless stream of charity collectors
and door to door salespeople disrupting my private
time when i'm home and trying to relax...

One saturday afternoon
as i was trying to watch the afternoon footy games,
telephone,electricity and internet hawkers/vultures
appeared at my door
telling me how much better off i'd be
with their services...

I'd been so stressed recently with work and
personal commitments and problems,
i thought,
enough is enough...

I decided that the next person
who appeared at my front door
was going to cop a barrage of abuse...

I wasn't going to hold anything back ...

A lady from'the sperm bank
knocked on my door...

Didn't i give her a mouthful ...

A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'

The poor little guy starts crying.

'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY.' 'I can't stand to see a man crying..


'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. 'I can't do anything right.' 'I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me.


When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me.


So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the poison!

A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to a tavern in the middle of no -where, parks his bike and walks inside..

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH: $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers.

She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker.

"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "may I help you?"

The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes, yes, I sure am".

The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".