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Blondejoke.




before plastic funbags http://www.beachcreeps.com/alexandra-wallace/

Thanks Ate.

Now, here is a responding video.

Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
Dusting themselves off, the Nun and the
Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke. 'Well,Sister, this looks pretty grim.'

'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it's likely that we can survive more than a day or two..'

'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'

'Anything, Father.'

'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'

'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'



The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.



'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?'.......she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.

'Father, could I ask something of you?'

'Yes, Sister?'

'I have never seen a man's +#@=$. Could I see yours?'

'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.

'Oh Father, may I touch it?'

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

'Sister, you know that if I insert my +&@@* in the right place, it can Give Life.'

'Is that true Father?'

'Yes, it is, Sister.'

'Oh Father, that's wonderful ... Stick it in the camel and let's get the *+!= out of here!'

Here are some of my all-time favourites...

"royal blowjob"

Kinds Of Sex ....

The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet
someone and you both have sex until you are
blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for
a short time and you are so needy you will have
sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a
long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you
usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too
long. When you pass each other in the hallway you
both say ..... 'Fuck You.'


The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the
afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)


The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he
takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And Last ... But not least ... The 7th kind of sex
is called ... Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

Been there, done that. How accurate is it. Good one locky1

I have to share these words that I found on the great Cracked.com (at http://www.cracked.com/article_14900_great-moments-in-gratuitous-sci-fi-nudity.html, actually):

"Gratuitous nudity is a staple of movies, but it's more important in some genres than in others... Hell, enough gratuitous nudity could have saved even Battlefield Earth, although it would have taken something on the order of a human pyramid of naked Scarlett Johanssons slathered in rich creamery butter to unflush that turd."

And there's plenty more similar stuff over at Cracked; I can recommend it for laughs, info, and wasting time.

some i've had for a while, not as current

A bloke was having a few drinks by himself at a London casino when he
met up with a striking but quite short and slim young woman. They got
on famously and ended up in bed.

The next morning she told him she was a jockey and that if he came to
the races at Ascot that day, she'd tip him the winner of each race she
was riding in by giving him a sign as she rode out of the saddling paddock.

In Race 2, she rode out rubbing both her boobs. The bloke looked through the
race book and found 'Two Abreast' on which he placed $100 at 5-1. It won by two lengths.

In Race 4 she rode out rubbing her fingers round her eyes. He put the lot on
'Eyeliner' at 10-1 and was then $5000 in front.

In the last race she came out standing up in the stirrups and rubbing
her growler. He backed nothing.

After the races, he met up with her and thanked her for the winners in
races 2 and 4. 'What about 'Itchy Mickey' in the sixth?', she asked. 'It paid a fortune?'
'Shit', he said, 'I thought you were telling me the c**t was scratched!'